Loving others more.

On Valentines day, I tried to see what was on the net about love. I just typed in love or what is love? I wanted to see what the WWW community knew of love. I got a bunch of random sites on dating and even astrology type links, nothing like what I was looking for. However today I typed Loving others more in the search engine, and was pleasantly surprised about the number of things genuinely about loving others more. I was actually looking to find the blog address for the blog on Loving Others More, and I didn't see it among the list because there was so many. I even found an article about love in the Muslim faith even where it mentions Christians and their Bible as one of defining love for God and others. Anyways I am following the blog "Loving others more." and I hope more will join me in this. Take a look at what others are saying about loving others more on the world wide web.

A Dreamer's Light: A Prophetic Poem

September/November 2007 Word of the Lord


A Dreamer’s Light

A prophetic poem for the church of Christ

Matthew 6:22-23 "The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

“Your eye is the light of your life, if your eye is filled with darkness, then where is your light?”

Light of my eye, the apple in the sky

Dreamers dream, things aren’t what they seem.

Pudding and cream are a delight

But jewels too are a pretty sight.

Lovely are they,

Still

They do make one bite seem larger than life.



Things thrown up in the air

Shows a person that doesn’t care

That good things can come

Though all’s not fairly done.



Did I help you to see what’s above comes from me,

And no matter how far I take you, you are

Precious in my sight, a wholesome delight,

And if anybody doesn’t see, they may fall not of Me.

I hold them in the womb though theirs’ is a messy room.



Candles by their flames are known to be they

Jokesters all know who follow each way.

Your journey is not over, there’s much more come your way.

Still you’re undone I hope this day.



Do you understand I am the Potter’s hand?

I make you the way you’re supposed to obey.

So but then if you wallow you won’t have to swallow

Just what I’m trying to say.



I’m going to show you another option.

This what I tell you should be your caption.

No matter how much you try

You cannot make yourself die.

So leave it to me, and wait and see

Just what will come and who will be.



All is mine and all I control

So don’t be so blind as to flaunt your soul.

Nothing is too difficult for me,

Nothing needs baring that I can’t see.

I want healing to flow so give us a go

To straighten your sight.

Relationship advice from Ephesians

When the Lord says that husband and wife are one flesh, he is referring to a unity not unlike what He wants for the body of Christ. Just as we are one in Christ, so man and wife is one in each other. Ephesians 2:14 describes what this unity means.

“For He Himself is our peace, who has made the two one, and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in His flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in Himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. Peace to you who were far and peace to you who are near. For through Him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. No longer foreigners or strangers but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of His household. “

When husband and wife are one, the dividing walls have come down. They do not hide anything from each other. They are completely open with one another and they share out of their hearts with each other. Just as they accept themselves, so do they accept one another, hearing each other without judgment. They share what they feel in an environment of complete love and acceptance. This is what it means to have no walls. Being one with each other becomes the equivalent of being one with themselves. Their comfort levels with one another exceed 100%.

And so ladies and gentlemen, here is a clue to whether you are in the right relationship. Are you comfortable with one another? Can you imagine yourself being one within your current relationship? Is there anything keeping you from one another right now? If there is, can you discuss it? If you feel you are with one whom you could be comfortable with but you are not completely comfortable with him yet, then examine your relationship before continuing. Think about how long you have been dating. Has it been three months or more? How much time have you spent with this person over the course of your relationship? Now check out your comfort level. If you have spent a lot of time with this person, but you still feel blocked from sharing your true feelings, then ask yourself why. Have you tried to share parts of yourself only to feel rejected? Has your partner been sensitive to your sharing? How open has your partner been with you? Do you share equally with one another?

Now if upon examining your relationship, you have discovered that you are not yet that intimate with each other, that does not mean you need to break up. However, it does mean to be careful. Now check up on your physical intimacy. If you find you are more intimate physically then you are emotionally, then its time to put on the breaks. It is a risky business to be intimate with someone. If you do not feel comfortable emotionally, but are extremely physical, then you are only harming yourself. Physical closeness can and will happen naturally as you get close to someone emotionally. However, a physical closeness that bypasses emotional closeness will establish bonds between you that you are not ready for. For if you are not emotionally close to your partner, then you must realize that this may not be your soul mate or the one with whom you will be the most fulfilled.

Now of course, the more time you spend with someone, the more natural physical affection will be—however emotional affection should also increase at the same rate. If you find yourself at the point where physical intimacy goes beyond emotional intimacy, then examine yourself and your relationship further. How has this happened? Is there an emotional immaturity in you that has hindered you from sharing your emotions or has made you need physical closeness too quickly? Are you ready to share emotionally to the extent that you share physically? Can you see yourself as one with this person, as someone with whom you can be completely open and feel accepted no matter what? If you are truly serious about your relationship, you should discuss these things with your partner. Or at least try opening up some more—be honest with him or her about an issue or feeling you have kept private. How does his or her response make you feel? Can you tell him or her how you felt? Do you feel better after talking it over with him or her? If so, then you are on your way to a closer, more fulfilling relationship. This may be one with whom you can spend the rest of your life.

Ephesians 2:14 also gives us a clue to how physical our affection should be at times. This scripture says that the closer we are to each other, the less important rules become. For when we are one, we do not follow rules, we only follow love. Therefore ladies and gentlemen, the closer you are emotionally, the more natural it is to be close physically. If there is a rule for physical closeness, then it is this: It comes out of love. In pure closeness, the walls have come down—if one partner has a qualm, the other partner listens and they talk about it. When you have doubts about your closeness, but keep your mouth shut, you jeopardize true closeness. However, if you can stop and talk about it, a real closeness will develop if both partners respond with love to one another. If you talk about it and feel better, then what follows is much more fulfilling. Yet if you talk about it and one or the other partner is not satisfied, feels unheard, or feels rejected, then its best to back off physically until you can both feel good about how close you are. Physical closeness is meant to complement and add to your emotional closeness. They go hand in hand, and if one is missing; then you are hurting your relationship.

Now I speak to responsible people who know what to retain for marriage. Yet even that is up to you together. However as responsible people, you will know yourself and not go further than you can handle. Yet I cannot emphasize enough… PHYSCIAL CLOSENESS MUST NOT EXCEED EMOTIONAL CLOSENESS. Please keep caution if you do not feel sure enough that this is one you will marry. Keep caution emotionally as well as physically. For the closer you get to someone, the harder a break up will be. However, if you already know this is not the one, then the quicker you break up with them, the sooner you will get over them and you will be even closer to finding the one for you. Yet, you will need time to heal. I strongly suggest not remaining friends with one with whom you separated. At least, take a long break until you are completely healed and at one with the break up. The exception would be if you both feel that you just need time away, but you strongly feel will both be back together. If this is not a mutual feeling, beware!

Yet I say to you all, nothing is a waste. Everything in life is a chance to learn and prepare for God’s best. If you find yourself in constant breakups or constant pain in relationships, I highly advise you to find some way to gain healing for yourself. A person who is most at one with themselves is the most likely to find the one with whom they will be the most fulfilled. This person will also be most fulfilled in life no matter the circumstances. Healing comes through time with God, counsel, spiritual books, and asking for the Holy Spirit to help you. Listen to God who wants your best and loves you no matter where you are in life!

What is true forgiveness?

Forgiveness. When is it true? When do we know we have forgiven someone of their wrongs? Is it when it no longer hurts? Is it when we can relate to the one who wronged us without feeling resentment or bitterness. Is it when we can relate to one who wronged us without getting into a fight or without feeling extra sensitive?

Is forgiveness a one time affair or a process? Can we accomplish it with the words, "I forgive you." Can we accomplish it with merely the willingness to forgive? What about the willingness to be willing to forgive?

Forgiveness may come easy when a person confesses with true contriteness of heart and acknowledges how much they have wronged you. But what about when they do not ever acknowledge how hurt you were, how unjust they were in how they treated you. Maybe they think it as a little thing they did, or maybe they do not think they did anything at all. Maybe they think you were the problem. Maybe they feel they have forgiven y0u, and the rest of your feelings are your problem. Is forgiveness easy then?

It is then that one must know, forgiveness is for yourself, not them. If you have any roots of unforgiveness in you towards anyone who has wronged you in your life, then that unforgiveness has a hold on you, and may be the cause of some of your problems or it may be poisoning your attitude in other areas of your life and taking away the full joy God means for you to have.

Sometimes, before we can forgive, we have to grieve. This grief is the very same that we would go through in such life events as losing someone. Sometimes we must grieve over lost closeness we had with the one who wronged us. We may also grieve over the pain that has caused us to suffer for any number of years. We may grieve over loss of joy in our lives, the pain that has held us back in life, that has kept us down. We are grieving over unforgiveness itself. And we may find we must forgive the other person, and also ourselves to go on.

Part of forgiving is being aware of where we are in the grief and forgiveness process. In grief, the stages are as follows: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

The road to forgiveness then follows the stages of grief.
1. Denial--
In denial we are not even aware of the need to forgive. It hurts to acknowledge that we are hurt. So we ignore any kind of pain we may have been feeling. We push it down. We may blame ourselves for any pain we feel, telling ourselves that everything was our fault and so we take full responsibility denying that the other person played any part in our pain.
2. Anger--
In this stage, we realize we have been hurt. We become angry at the other person. We want justice. We may try to get revenge. We turn away from them, ignoring them, or build walls to keep them out of our lives and hearts.
3. Bargaining--
In this stage, we want them back yet we want them to acknowledge their wrong. We probably will try to bring up the incident from the past in an effort to get them to apologize or at least admit their wrong doing. We feel that if they acknowledged it, then we could forgive them. It is our attempt to let go of our bitterness that keeps us bringing up the past continually, demanding apologies and acknowledgment. We also think that maybe if we explain it right or do something a little differently in our relationship with the person, that then they will acknowledge it--then we will at last be set free.
4. Depression--
In this stage, we give up on them ever acknowledging they did anything wrong. We feel that we will never have a real relationship with them, and we feel numb around them and when we think of them. We tell ourselves we don't really care if we ever have a "real" relationship with that person.
5. Acceptance--
At this stage, we finally come to terms with what happened. We grieve our loss of joy, and then realize that we must move on with our lives. We then accept the other person and our relationship with them as it is. For then we find that the answer to how to forgive is within us, not in the other. If we have been separated from the other, we may call for a natural conversation -- not out of a desire to change anything, but out of normal interest in the person. We recognize that our relationship may not be the same as it once was or as we wish it would be, yet we are at one with it, content to let the relationship be as it is. We let go of any hard feelings and enjoy whatever happens now-- for now a page has been turned, and we start afresh. This means we do not push the other person for a closeness that does not exist; we do not envy their friends and we relax. We just let whatever happens to happen.

I do not mean one should stay in a painful relationship. If a person continues to hurt us, naturally we will keep up the walls in our hearts. Yet we can forgive them by accepting that the person is the way they are, and if they are family we learn ways to love them regardless of how they treat us. We do this by having confidence in ourselves and knowing that what the other says and does does not matter to us since they are in the wrong. If we can be certain of ourselves, then we do not believe any barbs that come our way. If they are abusive, we get out of the situation unless they are getting help and are getting better. If a friend keeps hurting us, naturally we will stop being their friend. Yet we can still forgive in our hearts, and we know we have done this when we can think of the other person without bitterness or reliving the hurtful past. Yet forgiveness is a process, and sometimes we think we have forgiven someone, only to have something remind us of the pain. It is then that we must choose not to dwell on it and forgive yet again, refusing to allow bitterness to creep up in our hearts.
Now if the person continues to hurt us, then naturally we will keep walls around our hearts protecting us. Nothing is wrong with this as long as we do not hold it against the other person but accept them as they are with the acknowledgment that they also have some pain in their lives which they project onto us.

Mind: the default setting.

I recently read an article about the brain. It said that our brain is all about networks. All our ideas are connected to each other, the neurons interact with one another. There are different types of networks. One, I think, is the network that helps us concentrate and focus on one thing. But the network this article talked about is the default network. The default network is basically the network of what the brain thinks about when the person is thinking about nothing in particular. Basically, when a person is at rest and his or her mind wanders. I think that what your mind wanders to says a lot about where you are at in life and in your healing.

I have noticed that my default network has recently been about my future path--namely Teach for America, which will help me finally get into teaching. In my default network, I have written (not literally), a letter to my former teacher who discouraged me from pursuing teaching after I failed a clinical in college. This letter in my mind was a bit of inner healing as I discharged some anger and hurt towards how she responded towards me. I actually spoke it like I was talking to her on the phone and I put my earpiece in so everyone could think I was on the phone. HAHA.

I was in a public place but I could have raised my voice and I felt tears rising in my heart, so I had to quit. But I feel I made some progress--yes, it is possible to do this stuff in public... Sometimes the default leads me to inner healing stuff in public like that, so I just flow with it (Carefully).

The other default I keep having is this guy who I have not been sure if I like as a friend, brother, or more. That default has helped me to realize that I don't have to figure it all out now, but just go with the flow. I also thought of what my friend Sharon said about her relationship--she's engaged. She said that at first she was just open to a few dates, and she took awhile to actually become his girlfriend. then it took awhile to realize she seriously could consider him for her. She dated for two and a half years before becoming engaged this past March.
I think thats how it is going to be for me--which is much better from my previous record of jumping right into a relationship only to say just kidding a few months later.

I really don't want to do that with this guy, though I can't help feeling like it could really go somewhere. But I'm willing to take it slow and be in it for the long haul if thats what it comes to, that is.

Then, here's the other question I've had about him--Is he really just the default guy? The guy whose interested in me, and I want a relationship so bad? Maybe it was that way at first, but I don't think it is now. See, now I'm not anxious for a relationship... and I proved that by not dating him right away when I could have. I don't just want a relationship. I want to have fun with friends. I want to have fun with my friend--who I think is incredibly funny and interesting.

Anyways, those are my two main defaults, so when I'm with the right people, I may talk about it a lot. Of course with some people, when they ask me what's going on, and thats what I think of, I may give a noncommittal response such as "life..." like I did to one person I can think of right now. Besides I certainly don't want everyone to know what goes on in this head of mine. I know I'm safe here, because no one reads my blog, except the people I am going to invite to read it.

I feel that my default has changed a lot. It has gone from negative and anxious, to positive and hopeful. Now when I think about things, and plan scenarios in my mind--yes I still do that, and maybe its natural. But now my scenarios are not about the past, but about the future. And they are not about preventing rejection, they are just about me doing a good job and presenting the face I want to present. (Ok maybe sometimes, its still about preventing rejection), but all in all my mindsets have become a lot more healthy. THANKS BE TO GOD. I pray that everyone comes to more positive mindsets, and grows phenomenenly. I pray for that especially for everyone at Harvest Rock and in Remnant, and especially for those in my discipleship group. I also pray that for the guys to become strong men of the kind God wants them to be, and for the women to all be women of wonder. I pray that we all in remnant can be family--brothers, sisters, and the older ones, mothers and fathers. And I pray that any dating and breaking up that goes on in remnant, or anything like that would not break up our unity of spirit and sense of family... and that love would be abundant and judgment would be nil.

Well I wrote quite a bit on default about my defaults. Blessings!

Story time:

Yet another use for this blog...

Hey there, girl, where ya going?

(Humph. These people have no decency. Don’t they know when something’s none of their business?)

Nowhere.

Haha, yeah sometimes it feels like I'm going nowhere too, if ya know what I mean...

No I don't, now if you'll excuse me...

(Sometimes people need a little hint not to bother you).

Oh sorry, didn't mean to bother you.

(Yeah, they got the hint, now will they take it?)

It's just that you seem a little lost.

(Oh I know what I seem...and its not just lost).

Well, I'm not. Now I really need to get going so excuse me.

Ok ok. Be careful, ok?

(Be careful.... now those are familiar words. He means it a little differently than momma though).

And so another adventure for Sally Ann begins.

The abstract: Sally Ann comes from a middle class family who lives in a small town in Kansas. Her family is so proud of her when she begins working at 16 and saves up money for college. Her parents put some money in the bank for her. They give her lots of information on some of their favorite colleges, such as Kansas State, Trinity Bible College, and Central Bible College. So they are shocked to learn she is looking at schools in Minneapolis, New York, and Los Angeles. In fact, they are adamant that she stay away from those big cities. They expound on the terrors of big city life. Sally Ann listens carefully, but with hidden motives. She agrees to look into Kansas State and Trinity. Then when she graduates highschool, she suddenly disappears with her savings. So begins the adventures of Sally Ann.

What does it mean to walk in the light? Part 1

What does it mean to walk in the light? This can imply a knowing of some kind, an enlightening if you will. The opposite of light is darkness of course. Darkness implies ignorance. Is walking in the light, merely knowing then? And what is it knowing? Many of my readers will already have notions of what it means to walk in the light. One cannot be a Christian without attributing light to Christ. Our answer would then be that walking in the light means knowing Christ. But is it merely that?

Others may think of enlightenment. All this still implies a knowledge that is special because some do not have it. If we say we walk in light, then we imply that some walk in darkness. If we think we walk in light, does that mean we are special? We are in the sense that we are different from others if we truly walk in light that is. If we walk in light and have special knowledge though, should we keep silent? Hmmm.... Maybe sometimes silence seems more kind. We don't want others to feel that we think we are better than them. We don't want them to think that we think they are ignorant. And yet... if our knowledge is of the nature that it would save someone's life, perhaps we should share it. If our knowledge will cure cancer, should we not share? Oh but there is the issue of credibility... Who will believe you if you meet a cancer patient on the street and tell them... Oh listen, I have special knowledge. I have the cure for cancer...
But this patient doesn't have a clue if you are a doctor or a researcher. This patient doesn't know if you are even what you claim to be. If you were their doctor, that would be another story. If they knew you, they might listen. That is... if they knew you really had the background to make such a claim.

Humm. What does this tell Christians about sharing their faith? Does this mean we need a preaching licence or a degree from seminary to share that we have life changing information in our hands that we would like to share? I mean what if Joe Blow really did have the cure for cancer? Should he keep silent since he has no credibility, perhaps hes not even a doctor or researcher? But just maybe He knows someone who has found a cure....someone who has the cure for cancer. Yet people just don't know about Him, and He is not a conventional doctor. Yet Joe Blow knows the cure works, because he was healed. Now wait a minute! Joe Blow was cured of cancer? This is something others with cancer would want to know! Should Joe Blow keep silent about his cure... about the evidence that a cure exists! What if He is afraid that people will not believe him? After all, many of the world's doctors and researchers do not acknowledge that such a cure exists! He may be afraid they won't believe him, but here he is, a living example!

OH... What if Joe Blow tries to tell about the cure itself but he never talks about how the cure works for him and how it has affected his life? Will people want the cure? Will they feel its worth the effort? Maybe the cure seems to hard to recieve. People may just figure its better to live with the illness.

Maybe Joe Blow is a little nervous about how he will be recieved, and it is easier for him to say nothing since everyone seems happy as they are. Maybe he is afraid that someone will try to convince him that he is not really cured, that he was fine before the cure, that nothiing was really ever wrong. Maybe he is afraid they will point out that he is just as healthy as they are. After all he still has weaknesses in his thoughts and his feelings as they do. He still messes up sometimes. Or maybe they will say that his diet from "fun" has not made him more healthy after all. Then what will he say??? What can he say???

You tell me! More to come... Let me have your comments :)

What this blog will be from now on...

Yes, I am coming back to this blog. I like myspace but it does have its downside. For one thing, I do not want my myspace to be for public viewers. It just has too much information about me in it. For writing blogs of a personal nature, I will probably continue to use myspace. I decided though that I would like a blog where I could log my more scholarly thoughts as I take classes. I saw one persons blog that inspired me in that way. I sometimes enjoy writing book reviews for future reference and I think the internet is a good way to store thoughts. I will be shortly adding to this blog a few book reviews that I have already written and any new thoughts I have. I would still welcome comments. I have a feeling this will be a great place to indulge the intellectual part of me. For yes, I do enjoy learning. I enjoy reading the texts Fuller Seminary has chosen for me and I would love to narrate my thoughts on such texts as well as other texts I may read for fun. I would also like to use this blog to philosophize about God and spirituality and also share what God is teaching me. I may do this at times on myspace, but I am devoting only these mentioned things to this blog from now on. I hope I will have readers with comments of course :)

Papua New Guinea Trip: A Cultural Experience

What a trip I had at Papua New Guinea. I learned so much at their campus in Goroka about the way New Tribes Mission does ministry. We got to learn the trade language of tok pisin which is melanasion pidgin English. Each day we went up to the village to practice and to develop relationships and learn the culture of the Bena tribe.

One time we all had a meal together ( a mumu) that the people cooked in a hole in the ground on hot rocks.  We did this on the island of Solong too where the men caught a wild pig as we watched.  Both times we sat and chatted with the ladies and children while we helped cut veggies and waited for the meal to cook.  I loved this great time of language and cultural learning.

Sometimes when we visited, the women and children would sit on the ground with us and sew hand bags and other knit type stuff.  One lady gave me a purse she knitted that I still love to use.  

 My favorite part of our trip was a visit the Solong people on an island in New Britain. It was one of NTM's church plant. The people greeted us with flower leis and singing. We were able to walk on this mile long island by ourselves and visit with the people using tok pisin.

 My favorite event was the mumu, which is a feast specially prepared. We spent all day preparing the food--peeling kaukau (sweet potato), grating tapioc, scraping coconut, drinking coconut milk, etc. We watched the boys catch and kill the pig.

 The best part was spending time with the people. This was a village wide feast and boy it was good. We also had a time of worship afterwards and sang English while the Solong people sang some songs in Solong. Afterwards we danced outside and sang father Abraham with everyone! What a time we had! Well it was lovely.

The experience I had at Papua New Guinea was awesome.  It was different from other mission trips I'd taken in that it was more of a cultural and language experience since New Tribes Mission had leaders who did the evangelism, and that was not the focus of our group.  Even though that part was a surprise for me, I was glad for a different kind of trip where I could really put to practice language acquisition skills I had learned at Fuller Seminary.

Be on the lookout for more blogs on previous and current trips and experiences!

Immigration films from great minds

I went to a film festival put on by youth. They are given the opportunity to learn filming and then create their own. I don't know if it was the theme--I think it was--but all the films were on the immigration issues going on now. The first one I saw really made me think, even though it was not one of the best films. A better one along the same lines had a similar theme. It spoke of the American Dream, and how immigrants come here to find a better life. Sometimes their life here does not seem so good, but they stay hoping for better things for their children at least. They work in jobs that the "more priviledged" will not work. They work for less and they work hard. Then when they are not legal residents, matters are more complicated. They may be sent back to their countries. Who are we to say that they don't have a right to be here? Mexicans for instance. We stole land from them--California itself used to be Mexican property, correct me if I am wrong. I know the issue is complex, and I see both sides even though I have limited knowledge. I know if we just let everyone in, we might get much more than we can handle. (though I am not sure what that would be). One of the youth got really brave in describing her view. She said that she is Japanese and her parents are legal and they work hard. If I understood her right she felt angry because she felt her family earned their right to be there and if other immigrants would do the same, they would get what they need as well. I admire her courage to put her view on the screen. I thought it was a healthy way to deal with anger. I wonder how many other legal immigrants feel about the illegal ones.

I was able to meet one of the youth before the viewing. We asked her about her film, and she said she just filmed a lot and pieced it together and said, "I am just a beginner." As it turned out her film won first place and she recieved a fancy video camera. She said she spent a month on it, and if she didn't like something she would take it out and film more. I am glad I got to talk to her.

I also talked to a man who knows a lot about the immigration issue. He spoke of the racist undercurrents that are still around. He mentioned one radio program in particular that bashes immigrants. There's free speech for you. (I have not listened to it, yet, and I need to find out what station again if I can).

I hope you readers enjoyed reading my reflections, this is partly my homework. Surprize!. Comments are welcome. Please rebuke, reflect, agree, or respond anyway you want. Or just forget it if you don't want to make the effort :)

We need our amagoolas tickeled. Amagoola= part of the brain that controls emotions (If I remember correctly). I found out recently that if I need a good laugh I can watch my friend's FRIENDS collection. I think I need that about now. Then I can forget for awhile that these next few weeks are going to be filled with acedamia. I don't know why I am taking the time to write for a blog that never gets read. Hint,hint. I have to say I am making progress--one bookreport down. Well, time to get busy again.

Busy work.

Well, I am going to have to get very busy soon. I have been keeping up with the reading thats due, but none of the extra reading (about 600 pages per class). If I don't get on it I will be setting myself up to get a panic attack--just kidding its not that serious. Seriously though it will be next to impossible to finish everything if I don't get a move on. Next week I have two weeks off work because of my intensive, and I only work two days this week. So if I plan it right... I should be able to get on the ball. I could see it as an 8 hour work day turned into an 8 hour study day... Maybe go to the library. Somehow it will come together--I am not worried... Have a good night everyone, or day, depending on when or if you are reading this.

What's up with me...

Work and Homework... need I say more. But I am having fun with friends too--balance is key. My new goal is to get up early--no more ten hours of sleep a day--and then take a walk up the mountain to wake me up. So I will try to get just eight hours of sleep a day, because I do need at least that much. Soon and very soon I am going on that trip to Papua New Guinea about which I am very excited about. However I am even more excited about another soon thing... Soon and very soon we are going to see the King! Do any of you remember that old chorus? I miss old songs. Now most churches are doing so many new songs, the old songs get forgotten. May I be so much heavenly minded that I am oodles of wordly good! I am going to be very busy because I have not been reading two hours a day like I need to as another good friend pointed out. So six hours a day for a while might catch me up on the days I can do that, right? Well good night everyone.

Bombarded!!

Since I moved here to California, my world is being rocked. First, I learned independence. Now I am learning about the great need here. Currently I work with International Students as their friend, conversation partner, and teacher. However I want to get involved in a ministry to children again. I want to do more than teach children's church, I want to get involved in the community. I want to get involved in this city--this great mission field. However, the minute I think I know what I want to do, something else strikes me and I want to do that. BUT THE NEED IS NOT THE CALL> What am I called to? I don't know if I will even know what I am called to until I try a few things. So that is what I want to do!!! But Where do I start? I am thinking about taking a trip to the dream center--I was disappointed that my class did not do that on our outing as was originally mentioned. I see the need and I want to help. Actually there is so much that I still have not seen since being here--. I want to do some participant observation (see Spradley's book with that title) Maybe get involved with a school some how. I just have to find the right one, the right way at the right time. I know God is placing this desire in me, because He has a plan. YES He has a plan for me to get involved in a specific ministry right here in LA, and I don't think I have found it yet, although I do enjoy and want to continue my work with International Students. I know I have some skills not being used right now, not realized yet, because I haven't had the opportunity to practice them, to hone them, to develop them. It is really interesting that I am taking this intro to urban mission class the quarter before I am getting ready to go learn how to evangelize tribal peoples. Tribes and the city don't seem to go together. However tribes are rapidly being pushed out and displaced by urban life, if I understand it correctly. At least it has happened some places. Anyways I just saw a film called Twilight which I am preparing to write a reflection on. It is about the civil unrest that erupted in LA in 1992. One lady acted as each character that she had earlier interviewed, and spoke in their words their accounts of the events and their opinions. I have only just heard about it, so I was really dismayed by what I saw. As I watched it I felt bombarded with the feelings of the people involved--their anger, hurt, shame, violent reactions, and strong opinions. Anyways, I have bombarded any readers of this blog with a lot of thoughts. (THAT IS IF ANYONE READS IT). Anyways, I welcome any comments. Good night.

Cultivating prayer--and a prayer for you.

Dear friends, today I recieved an email with the prayer of St. Theresa. It gave me the idea that I could send out my own prayer along with hers in the forward. I believe prayer is very important and that it makes a difference. I am trying to cultivate a life of prayer. Sometimes I fold my hands wherever I am almost as a prayer in itself. It helps me to think of it as a prayer about the details that fill my head while I am trying to listen to lectures. Then I can let go of my worries and let the Spirit pray while I listen to the class. I even sometimes consider my doodles as prayers but I don't worry about the meaning. It feels like a way the Spirit prays through me, for He knows the mind of God. So here is a prayer for you: Dear Lord, I pray for my friends and any readers of this blog. Encourage their hearts. Create in them more hunger for you and then satisfy them Lord. Help them to know what a special and unique person they are. Help them live the life they were created for--to give glory to You. Lord whisper to them Your words of life, grace, truth, and love. Help them to hear. God You are so good, glorify Your name. AMEN. Do not forget that God loves you!!!

Skills, Me?

Yes, me. In class today we got together in small groups and among other things we were supposed to tell each other our skills. I have trouble speaking on the spot as it is, so when it came to me all I said is "I really don't know what skills I have. I am still trying to figure it out."
For a major portion of the day since then, I have been trying to analyze myself more. I know I am an INFP, but I am just not sure I know enough about myself. I have difficulty answering those questions personality evaluations and other evaluations give. I have been thinking that I really would like to either find some skills or learn some skills. And the more I think about it, the more I know I have a lot to offer. For the same class I have been reading the book, Primal Leadership, and when I read about EI (Emotional Intelligence) in the appendix, and started the book, I said to myself--yes, I really can be a leader. I really can be enthusiastic and encouraging. I know I can grow in EI and I do need to. As I read about how emotions spread to others, I thought about how important it is for me to bring positive emotions with me rather than negativity. I think it will help me to be positive and feel good about myself if I spend a few minutes before my day to consecrate it to God and let Him encourage my spirit. If I get up on the third time my alarm goes off, instead of the fourth time, I can give God ten minutes before I start my day. Well, I am going to try--. Good night everyone.

Back to school!

Back to the books! Oh yes the good times I will have tinking around all day and staying up all night to finish the papers that I can never seem to work enough ahead on. Study, study, study. I do manage to have time for fun, somewhat. Like blogging, emailing, talking on the phone, like hanging out with international students every Saturday. What I want to do more this quarter is hike!!! I want to check out some new trails on the mountains near me. It looks like I will have to work hard this quarter, so I will just have to make sure I do have a life outside of school. So help me out bloggers! How can I have a more exciting life and still do well in school???

Sharing my thoughts with the world!

This is my first time blogging but I think it will be fun. I love to journal. This will be a great way to share some thoughts with the world. I used to write in my journal as if others were reading it. In two different journals I even went through the ABCs of becoming a Christian. You know, Admit your a sinner, Believe Christ died on the cross, and Confess your sins. I have preached sermons on those in my journals. Once I wrote inside the cover of my journal, if you find this return it to such and such an address, and do not read. Later I changed it to--please do read! In it are lessons learned and growth experienced--or something like that. Even though I love to journal it comes in spurts. I have several journals that I wrote in at one time--one contains a decade worth of my life, another almost that, and another--my first little diary--still has entries!!! I lost it for awhile and then just used my other journals because they allowed more space to write. Anyways, I think I will really enjoy this blogging and reading others. I hope my blogging proves interesting to others and maybe enlightening to my friends and acquaintances who may not get the same side of me from plain conversation or face to face encounters. Here after all, I feel safer to take off the veil. For some reason, it is in writing that the wall blocking the easy flow of my conversations dissloves. So have fun everyone, and feel free to comment!