When the Lord says that husband and wife are one flesh, he is referring to a unity not unlike what He wants for the body of Christ. Just as we are one in Christ, so man and wife is one in each other. Ephesians 2:14 describes what this unity means.
“For He Himself is our peace, who has made the two one, and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in His flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in Himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. Peace to you who were far and peace to you who are near. For through Him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. No longer foreigners or strangers but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of His household. “
When husband and wife are one, the dividing walls have come down. They do not hide anything from each other. They are completely open with one another and they share out of their hearts with each other. Just as they accept themselves, so do they accept one another, hearing each other without judgment. They share what they feel in an environment of complete love and acceptance. This is what it means to have no walls. Being one with each other becomes the equivalent of being one with themselves. Their comfort levels with one another exceed 100%.
And so ladies and gentlemen, here is a clue to whether you are in the right relationship. Are you comfortable with one another? Can you imagine yourself being one within your current relationship? Is there anything keeping you from one another right now? If there is, can you discuss it? If you feel you are with one whom you could be comfortable with but you are not completely comfortable with him yet, then examine your relationship before continuing. Think about how long you have been dating. Has it been three months or more? How much time have you spent with this person over the course of your relationship? Now check out your comfort level. If you have spent a lot of time with this person, but you still feel blocked from sharing your true feelings, then ask yourself why. Have you tried to share parts of yourself only to feel rejected? Has your partner been sensitive to your sharing? How open has your partner been with you? Do you share equally with one another?
Now if upon examining your relationship, you have discovered that you are not yet that intimate with each other, that does not mean you need to break up. However, it does mean to be careful. Now check up on your physical intimacy. If you find you are more intimate physically then you are emotionally, then its time to put on the breaks. It is a risky business to be intimate with someone. If you do not feel comfortable emotionally, but are extremely physical, then you are only harming yourself. Physical closeness can and will happen naturally as you get close to someone emotionally. However, a physical closeness that bypasses emotional closeness will establish bonds between you that you are not ready for. For if you are not emotionally close to your partner, then you must realize that this may not be your soul mate or the one with whom you will be the most fulfilled.
Now of course, the more time you spend with someone, the more natural physical affection will be—however emotional affection should also increase at the same rate. If you find yourself at the point where physical intimacy goes beyond emotional intimacy, then examine yourself and your relationship further. How has this happened? Is there an emotional immaturity in you that has hindered you from sharing your emotions or has made you need physical closeness too quickly? Are you ready to share emotionally to the extent that you share physically? Can you see yourself as one with this person, as someone with whom you can be completely open and feel accepted no matter what? If you are truly serious about your relationship, you should discuss these things with your partner. Or at least try opening up some more—be honest with him or her about an issue or feeling you have kept private. How does his or her response make you feel? Can you tell him or her how you felt? Do you feel better after talking it over with him or her? If so, then you are on your way to a closer, more fulfilling relationship. This may be one with whom you can spend the rest of your life.
Ephesians 2:14 also gives us a clue to how physical our affection should be at times. This scripture says that the closer we are to each other, the less important rules become. For when we are one, we do not follow rules, we only follow love. Therefore ladies and gentlemen, the closer you are emotionally, the more natural it is to be close physically. If there is a rule for physical closeness, then it is this: It comes out of love. In pure closeness, the walls have come down—if one partner has a qualm, the other partner listens and they talk about it. When you have doubts about your closeness, but keep your mouth shut, you jeopardize true closeness. However, if you can stop and talk about it, a real closeness will develop if both partners respond with love to one another. If you talk about it and feel better, then what follows is much more fulfilling. Yet if you talk about it and one or the other partner is not satisfied, feels unheard, or feels rejected, then its best to back off physically until you can both feel good about how close you are. Physical closeness is meant to complement and add to your emotional closeness. They go hand in hand, and if one is missing; then you are hurting your relationship.
Now I speak to responsible people who know what to retain for marriage. Yet even that is up to you together. However as responsible people, you will know yourself and not go further than you can handle. Yet I cannot emphasize enough… PHYSCIAL CLOSENESS MUST NOT EXCEED EMOTIONAL CLOSENESS. Please keep caution if you do not feel sure enough that this is one you will marry. Keep caution emotionally as well as physically. For the closer you get to someone, the harder a break up will be. However, if you already know this is not the one, then the quicker you break up with them, the sooner you will get over them and you will be even closer to finding the one for you. Yet, you will need time to heal. I strongly suggest not remaining friends with one with whom you separated. At least, take a long break until you are completely healed and at one with the break up. The exception would be if you both feel that you just need time away, but you strongly feel will both be back together. If this is not a mutual feeling, beware!
Yet I say to you all, nothing is a waste. Everything in life is a chance to learn and prepare for God’s best. If you find yourself in constant breakups or constant pain in relationships, I highly advise you to find some way to gain healing for yourself. A person who is most at one with themselves is the most likely to find the one with whom they will be the most fulfilled. This person will also be most fulfilled in life no matter the circumstances. Healing comes through time with God, counsel, spiritual books, and asking for the Holy Spirit to help you. Listen to God who wants your best and loves you no matter where you are in life!
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