When we stop building up the calluses on our wounds, when we allow them to be filed down to get out infection, when we allow ourselves to feel, and when we can feel even in public, though its polite hold back tears and loud tones; allowing the feeling, yet letting it fade without exasperating it to impropriety, then we are ready to be healed of the bitterness inside--the infection may be aired out and receive the balm of peace.
I am realizing that it is okay to allow myself to feel the tears as I begin to recognize what is causing the pain; recognizing the wound--for now God the Holy Spirit has been filing down the calluses and has reached the skin right above the wound and the next poke brings the air to the wound, and the pain brings strong emotion such as anger or tears and then . . . I feel it. It is now in public that these wounds are being opened, though it began with taking responsibility for my actions and correlating feelings, and now I am learning to feel the feelings even in public without bursting out in tears, or with screams or in angry faces. Then, as the feeling eases up, the wound is at last able to heal. This would explain the intensity of the emotion I feel one at a time; this means I am on the way to true healing as the bitter root is drained out, and the next emotion is peaceful relief.
And so in public I feel naked like Adam and Eve, but now the shame is gradually leaving. Now I am getting used to being naked and my hope is that it will release others to undergo the same healing. This is the revival so many of us seek-- the missing piece we are searching for to fill the hole in our hearts that religion and formulas do not heal. Revival has been put in my heart, even when I was not searching for it outwardly, it has now reached me--the healing I gave up on ever receiving has at last found me by an outpouring of the Holy Spirit on me. It is for all of us to allow ourselves to feel inside that the feelings may be released to the air, and balm of peace may be applied. In public we may go to the restroom or a private room if we cannot at first feel the emotion only inside, then we can let it out quietly when necessary through tears, angry faces in the mirror, or whatever we need to lighten our moods--yet it is that feeling we have given up and a burden falls off our shoulders.
Let us seek this healing in its fullness as we open up to the Holy Spirit's calling to us to find the water we need not buy.