The star in the eye of the earth part two

No earth, says the star, you misunderstand.  I cannot come over, I cannot take your hand.
I listen to your yearning because it is different for me to hear the songs of your land which I had not heard in such a way before.

You do strike a chord in me and give me eyes to see beyond what I could have known in the past, but what you do not get is that it is the sky who has breathed life into me and without the sky you never would have known me, nor would you have awakened me.

For the sky too awakened me in such a way that changed me to a great extent, giving me the ability to explore the whole of the heavens, so like me and yet different enough to help me grow along his path.

Nor have we diverged from it, we are like two peas in a pod, and I am now the sinner where he is the saint, for it is I who almost got swayed by wanderlust.

But know, I am a star, and I belong in the sky.  In fact, I need the sky more than you could ever know for you are so very far away, there is no way you could possibly see what the sky does for me.

My emotions are turbulent, my need is great, and the sky knows just what I need.  The sky even sees through me, sometimes to my annoyance.

I once thought the sky was done with me, and it hurt more than a thousand needles going through my heart.  But the sky reassured me, and helped me to see more clearly.

I have found grace in the eyes of the sky, and I could not ever leave him.  I am sorry to say, lovely earth, that I cannot let you think I would be able to come to you.  Please dear earth, please find peace some other way.  I am so sorry it hurts, but I cannot help you.

Please says the star, think nothing of me anymore than as the star that does its job lighting up the night for all creatures who can see it.

Know that your longing though has changed me, and I am a brighter star, maybe a bit pinker too, because of it.

I cannot have you earth and sky both, and I belong with sky and such is best.  As God is my witness I can be nothing other than loyal to the sky that has given birth to me, for it is he who has given me my glory...  you have only glimpsed it, but he created it.

I'm sorry for misleading you earth, for I did desire to explore, but I did not at first realize how that would change my place in the sky.  I cannot would not could not ever give that up, for it was a gift of the gods and I would not trade it for anything.

Earth, one more thing you should know.  I went through a confusion quite recently which was quite disorienting.  You see earth, I heard your yearning at first, and thought you simply saw my potential and desired to do business with me.  I tuned out the other part, and simply thought how great it would be to have your support on earth of my brilliance with the sky.

So you see, I was clueless for quite some time, and only wished for recognition of the top notch skill of my work, and the thrill of my creative shine.

Please forgive me O Earth, for I also kept playing the game a bit longer just because your wistful songs were so very beautiful.  I know this is very clear now, and we will not need to speak any longer.  I will miss your songs though.

Another star, you will make very happy some day, and they will be more free to join you on your glorious lands and seas.

My friend, peace be with you.  I have made the right choice and I do have peace.  May grace and joy come to you and comfort as you need it.  Bless you earth, for you blessed me.  So long.

The star in the eye of the earth

Caught by the eye

the star in the sky

listens to the question

in the seekers head

Caught off guard

by the thought

the star unsure

how to respond

Why sure its heard the question before

but never in such distinct clarity

in an earnest yearning voice,

and even more the star is starting to understand.

Understand, yet how could it respond...

Of course the star desires to explore

So much it did not/does not know

but to leave the sky?

It's unthinkable.

Sure it'd be fun to explore the earth,

but the sky is his life, his love, his home,

and still much more of it remains to explore.

Sure, he's heard the question before, but 

never before had he considered it . . . 

In fact he told himself the question

was nothing but a figment of his imagination,

his own daydreams of exploring the earth below.

But NOT ANYMORE.  The Earth's yearning voice crept into the star's senses.

Oh my, now what was a star to do?

The star yearned too to fall into the earth even if it was just to see what it was like,

to explore its meadows, listen to the songs of the birds and the bees, to hear the heartbeats of those beings on earth, and find out about all its children.  

Oh no, but the star knows that can never be.  Because if it chose to shoot to the earth, it could never ever go back to the sky.  And the star did wonder, but did not see how it could ever ever be worth it.  

No, this star knows where it belongs---with the sky and everything of the sky is its heritage.

Besides, THIS star loves the sky very much, and cannot even imagine life without the sky.  Its so warm even when its cold outside.  The dark places are only there to be lit up by the star, and the sky with its blue clouds and gray waves and sunshiny days are all part and parcel of the star's life.

And its all as its meant to be....

Now sure some days are grayer than others and the stars rays have trouble getting through to the sky, and sometimes the star gets a little ticked off when the sky darkens it or denies its light,

and sure the star has wondered if the green ground on earth would be more refreshing than the dark sky....

but you know what they say about that./

Yep, the star stays.  Not that it won't wonder about the green grass of earth.  Not that it won't pretend it knows what earth is like, and listen to the breeze that tells of the seas and creatures below.

But it can't go there, not really.

So sorry earth....  in another life, maybe I'll be a mermaid of the sea or a child of man.  Peace be with you, my friend.

Capped

Capped

When down under
with the plunder
buried 'neath the ground,
Is it a wonder
that those who blunder
would keep one without sound?

Without one whistling wit
Keeping on with out fit
Nothing to be found
ground to the bit
walking the spit
Our eyes wander 'round.

Ahoy mate, who are you
with feet tied, how do you do?
what's that? do you gag?
You have to use the loo?
Spit that out, "poo"
Lift out of that sag.

Strengthen those knees,
utter those pleas
One above will hear.
even if you have fleas
take the day, seize
the help is near.

Spring up out of the sod,
Courage as of the god
Growing strong steady on
though the night going odd
and sensing the fraud,
faithfully meeting the dawn.

Yes some find fodder
where offered water
but keep peace and hold,
because as the blotter
erasing its spotter,
the poet is bold.  

The glasses are rose tinted again

Perspective . . . It changes everything.

One day is cloudy, one is sunny.
One is sad, or one is glad.
One is filled with hurt,
One has the warm fuzzies.

One day, I had a nightmare come true.  And a living nightmare it was because it was all in my mind.  Very little of it was true though it was related to what I heard.  I thought I heard people conspiring against me.  Whether they were trying to get ahead on the job, or win a contest that never seemed to end, I did not know.  Yet the thought got so big in my head, I began feeling my life was in danger--that whatever "they" were after, it was worth killing for.  At least that day, I felt I had a friend helping me out, although at times I thought he was playing double agent--saying things that he wanted me to do without letting on to the "other" that he felt I should do that.  Even now I feel he may have really been trying to help me out sensing I needed it that day.  That was not the scariest part though.

The scariest part was when I started thinking that some people could read my mind, and I theirs.  Not only that but I thought some bad characters could also read my mind and I could not figure who was bad or good.  So then I tried to change my thoughts to distract and confuse them.  

Looking back on that day, I am amazed!  I mean I rang up people that whole time maintaining a pretty straight face, though I probably coughed at odd moments.  I even managed a very complicated return with a difficult lady who was very particular about 30 cents and seemed surprised that she did not get more back.  Then she wanted to fix another item with a price difference of about 20 cents.  I went and checked the price--my one mistake--and then did the return for her.  At the end she still questioned me, and I showed her each part of it and how accurate it was.  Finally I got a bit brisk at the end, but she left as satisfied as I could get her.

Actually that ordeal helped me to concentrate and kept my mind off of my strange thoughts.  Still, I am quite amazed at myself.  I do not think many customers even knew I was anything but tired or sick.  I still do not know how much was evident to my coworkers.

However I thought this line of thinking had passed from me when I got home that day, and I slept all night in peace and got up to go to work Saturday morning feeling fine.  However I got triggered again that morning and had many strange thoughts both at work and then at home even about my family and God.

Thankfully my psychiatrist appointment was Monday--divine timing.  Then the next weekend my husband was troubled about my high emotions, and we called about a med adjustment, and ever since then I feel positive and great.  Anxiety creeps in still but I am noticing it more, and that is in part due to my dear husband, Matthew.  I am so blessed to have him in my life--we've made it through a lot of stuff already in 5 years of marriage, and I am happy to say we are still in love.

See, now my glasses are once again rose tinted.  Now if it gets dark again, may I remind myself of the difference pure eyesight makes, and realize that some things plain just do not matter.

One more side note:  I do hate it when my emotions are blamed on medication side effects and my illness, however it has  become clear that the right medicine taken in the best way really optimizes mental and emotional health.  I do still have to decide to let things go though for my own sake, and I still must choose what to do when I feel anxiety rising.  Medicine does help, and it helps my judgment in making those decisions, but it does not solve every issue and emotional baggage automatically, yet its evident that medicine of the right sort still works miracles.  Its taken me a difficult year and a half to realize first that I had to change my medicine and then to get the right adjustment of dosage.  I feel I finally have the right psychiatrist and medicine dosage.

Lonely

Lonely

Friends turned enemies in my mind
Now hidden I must keep them blind
Finding out to them life is a game
Perhaps money is to blame

Much I admit could be pretend
Such is hard to comprehend
Still very real in my head
Makes me feel a bit unfed.

It feels like hatred from this side
For I opened my heart so wide
Only to get it stomped to the ground
Again, as the hands on the clock go 'round.

Why...
The world used to be peachy and clean
now its nothing but a mean machine
with everyone waiting for me to fall
so they can skitter in to claim all.

Maybe if I slow down the daily grind
stop priding myself in my focused mind
and laugh along with everyone else
at the silly tales we tell ourselves.

Yes I need to try not to try
but still work on the fly
but not so hard anymore
'cuz that's what friends are for.

Yet such pandering makes no sense
especially in proclaimed innocence
my aim is not to put to shame
but make up for the times I am blamed.

What I find hard to understand
Is that all but me know what is planned
I am told one thing but its not adding up
They all conspire to get me flupped.

Now at last its time to find friends
of a different sort so I'll turn the bend
to face a different kind of day
with those I find to laugh and play.

So God of Texas hear my cry
I'll do my part now, at least I'll try
To find those of an uplifting sort
who need not compete to raise the fort.

O be careful little mouth what you say

The lotuses are listening
whether Summer, Winter, Spring
be careful what you say
because they may tell the faie

All will be held to account
how much or little to amount
though their may be grace of God
if you can see the whole, the fraud.

How easy to find the speck
when the other is up to their neck
though in mud, they will see
which must admit if you'd be free.

Perhaps such conflicts if you'd face
you too would need an ounce of grace
and I promise I won't hold a grudge
just hope to clear your eyes of fudge

See I too did not see clear
bound by the blur of fear
until one day I put on
spectacles of the dawn.

The dawning of the new day is here
if you're ready to look in the mirror
as an eyelash, mascara in your eye
brushed out to clear away the lie.

See we are not better than each other,
we are family, sister and brother
So when you see the splinter,
First clear your lungs with Winter.

Try try again--a testimonial of workplace perseverance, results forthcoming

You've heard it before.  True failure only occurs when we stop trying.  This article is meant to encourage myself as well as you, my readers.  The point of trying is of course because we really want something to happen as a result.

Those who know me well, know that I have a disability.  One that rears its ugly head from time to time and keeps me from functioning in almost every way.  In the worst times, I need constant care and attention paid to keep me eating and drinking and showering and in the house.  In those times, our baby goes to grandma's house and if necessary, I go to the hospital.

That so being, I am very thankful when I have medicine that is working and a job that I have kept and been loyal to enough that I would hope there is some security in it, even maybe room for promotion.

As a relatively new mom, I have also been really focusing on improving myself, and I see the values at my job as a vehicle for improvement, and even a measurement of self growth as evaluations are passed on to us.  Ideally, values and skills learned at work will be carried into the home.   For example, the value of owning our area and our role which is part of my work's value system would enable me to establish a sense of ownership and organization at home.

As the more I learn of my workplace cultural values and recognize the value of doing business and relating to the people of my own community-- which I am blessed to live and work in currently--so do I desire to continue to persevere at my workplace and excel not only as a company but as one who truly cares about the concerns of the people of our community, people who are my customers, and people who are my neighbors.

And so that is why I consistently go back to my job after being forced to leave by this disability and sometimes--as it has this year--after quite embarrassing actions left in the wake of my departure.  Still I have returned and will not give up on this job as it has proved quite beneficial and even enjoyable for me.

And I have good reason to hope for even better benefits with this job in the future.  For even though I have a disability, I am blessed that medicine usually works for me and I have other ideas how I can improve my health both at work and at home and out and about.  For before I got married, though not thoroughly healthy as far as values and focus goes, I was quite well for work and school for a period of 6 years until I had my baby which led me to grow and run into disability all in the same couple of years that I've had her.  I guarantee you I am a better person on the other side.

Love has increased inside of me for everyone I see, and I get to focus on this especially at work.  In fact it is as a front cashier that I am learning to love better, express empathy more, even work on getting names and faces familiarized--(which I've newly learned importance of and have been quite weak on in the past, when it came to customers).

And so I WILL keep working my day job, and I WILL improve and I WILL carry those improvements home and in my daily life.  THIS year I will persevere and grow.  Maybe next year will bring even more promise.  I WILL not give up.  GOD WILLING people WILL begin to know the real me, not the messed up me, but the constantly IMPROVING me, the LOVING me, the NONJUDGMENTAL me, and the NON-NOSY me.

IMPACT KENYA: Mission trip highlights and how you too can impact Kenya!

Preaching and encouraging the pastors in the rural areas in and around Mombassa was our main purpose on our mission trip to Kenya.  One day we divided up and it happened that I was the only one going with our leader, Mark Tubbs.  I really wanted to preach that day, and I think I had let that known.  However I had no idea what was in store for me and that church.  Had I known that I would be preaching and ministering for about 3 hours while Mark Tubbs was off preaching at other churches, I might have freaked myself out.  

However during Mark's sermon, I diligently took notes and possible sermon outlines down in case I was allowed to preach afterward.  Little did I know, Mark had to leave but he offered to let me stay to preach while he was gone.  Having no idea how long that would be and being by myself, yet trusting Mark, I said, "Sure."  Testifying to God's goodness during suffering, reading poetry I had written during hard times, and exhorting congregants to love each other, I preached and ministered until my leader got back 2-3 hours later.  I lost track of time because it was such a blast to be a part of something so much bigger than myself.  It was my first time preaching longer than 30  minutes (even with an interpreter).  My only material was my journal of testimony, notes, and poetry I had written.

At one point I called for all the children to come in and be blessed.  I put my hand on each child and prayed a blessing over them.  Then a little later I took a break to go to the bathroom and came back.  Everyone was singing and dancing, so I joined in.  Then I came back to the front and preached some more.  I had no idea when I would stop preaching because I had no idea when Mark Tubbs was coming back. 

 Then as I was about to keep preaching, the leader alerted me to wrap it up and call for an altar call.  So I invited people to come forward, and they asked for prayer for healing of many things.  I had no idea they were going to do this, so I prayed in the manner Gabe said he did in one of his sermons. People were healed!  An older lady came forth to pray for healing of some pain, and she was blind, so I offered to pray for her blindness after I prayed for her other illnesses.  She agreed, so I prayed, and then she was healed!  I even tested her to make sure.  Her eyes looked clearer as well.  Praise be and glory to God!  I was the most amazed of anyone there.  Everyone else seemed to take the healings as normal!  

At a goodbye dinner for our team, I collected emails and gave away my email to several pastors...  In this way, Pastor Okumu found me on facebook, and I have been blessed ever since to have his friendship and encouragement.  I now consider him my pastor from Kenya.  He is the only one from overseas I can consider my pastor.  

My trip to Kenya was in April of 2010, and I have been communicating with Pastor Okumu ever since.  He offers friendship, prayers, prophetic declarations, and encouragement to me.  I have been praying and reflecting on how and when to help Pastor Okumu, and I determined to get busy this year supporting him.  

So in managing his page, I noticed he and his wife run a school for those who can afford to pay very little for education.  They also teach Christianity and values.  I began inquiring their needs and what they teach and intend to do with their school.  I was very impressed at the teachers who will work although payments are either delayed or not forthcoming because of lack.  Also, I found out that school was just starting for them and their classrooms needed to be prepared for the rainy season.   So funds are urgently needed.  Please pray and reflect quickly on how you can help my brother in Kenya, Pastor Okumu.  You can support his school through my campaign at http://www.gofundme.com/lm3upg.  Thank you for your help and prayers!

The Veil

Hiding, though in plain sight
displayed for all to see
though not at night
might be by decree.

What you see may not be
what you think it is
what you overhear at tea
may be nothing but fictitious.

A white gown isn't always Light
though it could mean gladness.
A black gown isn't always Plight
yet sometimes it is sadness.

Yet without seeing that face
behind the veil hiding those eyes
No one knows if she has grace
Or something to despise.

And what if that person
wishes to be hidden
to keep herself for one
One only to be given.

She may be discreet
not wanting to share
though she may
have grievances to air.

She may be subtle
and would give advice
but doesn't want to mettle
so she thinks twice.

And who is to say
"Is she hiding her light?"
For maybe in the day,
She keeps herself for the night.

Frozen -- Freeze or run away and "Let it go."

You know its time to freeze if

-- Your mom and dad begin yelling at you at the same time.

-- Your mother-in-law keeps insulting your cooking skills (or lack thereof).

-- Your children are all trying to get your attention at once.

-- You and your husband are having a screaming match and then you notice your 3-year-old rocking in the corner.

-- You are about to burst into tears but your two year old is looking at you.

-- You found out you won the lottery but you are in a busy line at Tom Thumb.

-- You are having an ecstatic night but your sister is in the next room (hehe).

-- Your sister is pushing buttons like she's trying to get a reaction from you.

When I first moved to California, I had a friend who was extremely possessive.  After awhile, we began to get into huge fights, screaming matches -- so much that our neighbor had to say something about us keeping it down.  One day, I just realized I was done with her.  And that's when I began to talk quietly in response to her screaming.  It no longer mattered to me what she thought, and that's when I began to find the freedom to leave and be myself.  If only I had figured out before how to quietly respond--our fights would not then have escalated.  If I could have been sure of who I was without needing her approval of myself and everything I did or believed, maybe I could have kept her friendship.  Maybe.  

When we began snapping at each other, it might have helped me to freeze and think before reacting defensively to her.  Sometimes it takes a realization, too, that people won't change because of you; not only that, they can't force you to change.  So, yelling and snapping is basically a waste of breath.  

Now I'm starting to realize that when someone is yelling or continually criticizing something about me, its because they want to control me and make me into the person they want or approve of.  And here's the beauty of it-- they can't change me, they can only try.  The only real change occurs with a self realization and a self choice.  If we are going to make true choices that come from our real selves without doing it out of a sense of guilt or duty to manipulative relatives, friends, customers, bosses, or a certain kind of God (ahem), then when assaulted with such words/thoughts, its time to freeze.  

Freeze

and think

What am I 

feeling?

Why am I 

feeling this way?

What is the root

issue of this feeling?

Who is trying

to speak

into my life?

Do I care

about this person?

Do they care

about me?

How can I

respond calmly

without negating

who I am

and without

negating who

they are?

Imagine how many conflicts could be avoided, if we could all interrupt ourselves before the insults turn to yelling and the yelling to screaming?  Just learn to freeze and think before reacting to a hurt feeling inside.  Its not about ignoring the hurt or the other person.  Its about thinking before responding-- 

thinking 

about how to discuss 

the issue bothering you, 

thinking 

about what the issue is 

before reacting to 

the little things 

building in your heart, 

thinking not stuffing, 

thinking not erupting.

Sometimes we are so good at stuffing our emotions, and then one day we erupt.  

That is the day 

we need to run away 

for awhile 

and scream 

at the air 

in the middle of nowhere. 

That is the day

we need to think

and pray

and sort out

our emotions.

That is the day

we need to examine

our hearts

and ask ourselves

what is really

wrong?

What is 

bothering 

me?

Then we'll be ready for our sister to come find us and we'll be able to come back with her without throwing an abominable snowman her way. 

Loving without judging: cultivating acceptance

LOVE OUT OF SEASON

A rose out of season is still a rose.  Its easy to judge someone based on one “snapshot,” especially if it turns out badly.  Anyone can pose for a picture, but what happens when we make an impression without trying to?  

We go to a restaurant and the service is slow.  We think our server forgot about us because we sat outside.  We could be upset and raise our voices at the server, or we could look a little closer and try to find out why service is slow.  Maybe the restaurant is short staffed and unexpectedly busy that day.  At one restaurant, our family waited for an hour without getting food and we had checked several times.  Finally on the third try we found out our food had not gotten on the ticket for preparation.  The restaurant cashier felt so bad, she offered us a 25.00 gift card since we had already paid for the food.  We accepted.  Mistakes happen, and I still recommend that restaurant.  

LOVE THOSE WHO ARE DIFFERENT

We see a gay couple at church.  We can speculate and gossip or we can go greet them and talk to them.  One time while working at my Walgreens in Los Angeles, a man came in and asked about makeup.  I figured out he was gay and he told me he was getting makeup for a show.  I expressed genuine interest as I had no idea what he was talking about, and I learned something new.  Next time he came to the store, he asked for me to be the one to help him.  I know sometimes it can be easy to laugh at people behind their back, who are different from us, but that is not the way to learn and grow in life.

Love is about loving those who are different from us, not just those we think are like us.  And who’s to say if we are not really more like them than we know… or more different.   Who wants to be the same as everyone else anyways?  Life would be only black or only white or only brown or only purple (hehe).  One color -- how boring.  What is food without salt?  Where is the flavor of life if it all tastes the same?  Is not everyone truly unique?  

GOSSIP AND LAUGHTER: POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE

Our minds are prone to speculation.  We hear a couple yelling in public, and we think there must be abuse in the home, but maybe they are just opinionated and so engrossed in conversation that they don’t care what people around them are thinking.  Or maybe they are just having a bad day.  I used to have bad days in public.  I never did get self conscious at those times because I did not realize how loud I was and how obvious our fight was to anyone in the near vicinity.  And I just plain did not realize how little I cared then about the distress and awkwardness I was causing others.

That brings up a new point.  When we feel uncomfortable with a situation or a person or a different perspective or a way of living we are uninformed about or not used to, then its the natural reaction to turn to your friend and say something about it, and laugh or whatever.  Yes, I understand that.  I’ve done that many times.  Thats why, its ok.  Its ok to laugh with your friends when you are far enough away to not be heard--to ease the tension, to clear up your perhaps shared awkwardness.

Laughter is after all borne out of awkwardness.  So its not wrong to laugh and enjoy the awkwardness with a friend.  Still, if we are going to see this person again--like if they go to our small church or small group or live in our neighborhood, it might help to place ourselves in their shoes and give them the acceptance we would desire in their place.  Maybe us learning to laugh with them, not at them at least when we’re with the person would help.

We love to laugh in life, and laughter is not hate or dislike.  Its merely awkwardness.  This is a good reminder for us who are on the other side of the laughter, who feel like the outcast.  I’ve been in both places so I understand.  That’s why I can discuss this to both sides with candor.

CONCLUSION: ATTITUDE OF ACCEPTANCE

Cultivate an attitude of acceptance towards everyone around you.  This may mean just a smile in the direction of strangers as you walk by, or a greeting if they are not busy doing something like talking with a friend or texting (as we do nowadays).  Work on doing this unconditionally--meaning without getting hurt if there is no return response.  Recognize that some people are in their own world perhaps needing time to think while away from their normal busy routine, or perhaps they are very involved in conversation with friends, etc…  For we know that all of us have times like this when we are unresponsive to our neighbor’s greetings (neighbors being anyone in the vicinity of our presence).  So lets not hold grudges against anyone, especially strangers. (Laughable when put this way, is it not?)

Yes, lets laugh.  Laugh at ourselves, laugh with each other.  What good medicine, and how good at dissolving tension when we are laughing with our friends.  As for me, I’ll try not and hold it against you…  (Hehe).  

Stitches of a Scarlet Letter

Anyone ever feel disenfranchised, isolated, or judged by society?  Here's some food for thought.

Stitches of a Scarlet Letter

She is filled with so much love--

 that she is foolish.

She hears  sometimes,

but is sometimes deaf.

Sometimes she hears,

but comprehends not.

Sometimes she hears

but cares not.

Sometimes she hears,

but acts like the wall fly

hearing the buzz of the room,

but without any reaction.

Stolid soul taking it in 

like medicine 

that one is forced to swallow

without daring to utter

a voice of protest.

Instead her heart cries, Be


Still 

the longer she stays,

the more the voices

toy with her.

They begin making

foolish conjectures.

She hears lies all around--

she knows they are lies.

Yet she is


Still

each one adds 

another stitch

to the scarlet letter

forming on her heart.

She distracts herself.

She will not drink.

She cannot, will not


Think 

too long 

and too hard,

because to do so

only drives her further

into the depths

of despair--

a despair she

need not have,

a despair that she 

would not

could not 

have.  

How could she


Despair

the dream 

that has come 

true, 

just because 

part of the dream

seems a bygone.

Isn't it true,

that she has 

found the man

of her dreams

and yet

he's not 

as perfect

as she once 

thought.  

Yet he loves 

her--

Her whole family

loves her.

Yes why

despair . . . 

When she has

people who


Love

her,  she knows

what matters

is that those 

who know her

best

will always

love her

no matter 

what--

even when 

they do not

always approve

of her actions.

And lately 

if they knew

might be


Disapproving

herself,

perhaps it 

was her own

criticism 

she heard

from others'

lips.

Yet how then

could their

voices so clearly

ring out, 

but how often

could she imagine

that they were talking

about her.  

Maybe this is her

dream after all.

Did not she always

dream of being


Popular

she is 

and she 

feels it   

in 

this scarlet 

letter

that she holds 

close to 

her heart

as her way of

reminding herself

of how 

different 

she is 

from everyone

and 

how delicious

to be the focus

of their gossip.

Is that not the 

cost of 

being famous? 

And so, 

perception

has made her

dream come true

after all.

Reflections: God and His universe and us

Does the universe speak?

Maybe

Does God?

Yes.

Does God fill the universe?

Yes-- check the Psalms for confirmation.  God fills the heavens and the earth and is in the fullness thereof.  Isaiah...  "The train of His garment fills the temple..."  "And the whole earth is filled... and the whole earth is filled.... and the whole earth is filled with His glory!

Maybe the universe is almost "One" with Him just as We are meant to be One with Him.  Check out John 14 for that one.

Brothers and sisters, are we not all in this world together?  Does not the strong encourage the weak, and the weak only get stronger as this occurs?  If life is a game, do we win alone?  And what matters anyways...  is winning the game of life the point?  Do we need to be the best?  What do we really need?

Each other.  We are what matters.  We are the pearl of great price together in this world, the pearl that Jesus found and saved, polished, and cherished.  We are the treasure, together.

This earth is our provision for us, our children, our descendants; the nations of our offspring.

I do not know exactly what happens at death, and after it.  I do know Jesus saves.  He saves me.  He saves us.  In fact, I believe I heard it said somewhere that He saves the earth and the universe...  now where was that...  O yeah, the Bible.  Its there...  Something about renewing His creation at the end of the age when the Sons and Daughters of the Kingdom will be revealed.

Anyone who says they have all the answers, I just cannot take seriously anymore...
Not saying, they have nothing good to say or anything, but I take it all with a grain of salt.

Its called thinking.  Its called finding out for yourself.  And only ONE knows the whole answer, while we all may have a piece of it.

Jesus saves, thats all we need to know and believe while being grateful and taking care of His great gifts to us.

That about sums it up, my thoughts for quite some time...  Take it with a grain of salt...  Amen.

Snapshot of the "perfectly normal" secret

I'm perfectly normal.  I just have a secret side to me.  Everyone does.  Who does'nt have their quirks, their ups, their downs; each their own silliness to shrug off?

If you live in Grapevine, Texas, I'm your friendly neighborhood cashier at Walgreens.  Every day I do my best to smile and welcome the people who come through the door, and I enjoy the interactions I have with them no matter how mundane.

Sometimes, however, I have a bad day when my thoughts get a little wayward.  Oh it used to be much worse than it is now.  I used to believe and accept that the thoughts I had were true, and those false truths defined me for quite some time in my life.

I constantly overheard what I thought were the feelings of others towards me, bits of conversations I heard became clear in my mind as utterances of dislike, and it drove a wedge between myself and everyone else.  For awhile I accepted it, but not anymore.

When I was younger, I felt unloved but I did not understand why.  The feelings of rejections imbedded themselves subconsciously from things I overheard or read in others' body language.  Now I notice when I overhear something, and I get feedback about it either from the person who I thought said it (if I feel comfortable with them), or with my husband later on.  When I started doing this, I found out that I was overhearing a lot of the wrong things.

In Proverbs it says to avoid overhearing conversations not meant for your ears because you may hear someone laughing at you...  and you too may have laughed at another.  That does not mean it is our final opinion of the person.

     

The Rose That Helped me Smell the Flowers

A Rose sprung up at my workplace who was quite nice.  Ironically, the first thing I felt was the thorn.  Ouch! That hurt. This Rose must've thought me quite nasty as I quickly dropped her to the floor.  However, a funny thing came about.  When she hit the floor she looked up at me and smiled.  Soon,  I was smiling back.  And then as I worked with her I developed a relationship with this flower.  This Rose found out more about me and began reflecting back to me parts of myself, good stuff I did not realize or thought wrong to advertise.  This Rose is part of the reason I also blossomed and became a flower.  I became a Violet.  

As a Violet, I attracted the bees just like she did, and one day a bee picked me up and swept me away where I landed in another state.  The Rose tried to keep in touch but the violet was preoccupied w her new life.  One day I called and didnt get a response. I tried to find her in my facebook friends but alas she was no longer there.  The worst part is this Violet could probably find her if she remembered her last name.  And so she learned sometimes last names are important too.

And so Rose of Walgreens in Eagle Rock, this blog is for you and I hope and pray you find this when you need it.

I dont know where you are, but you are special--God has used you to bless me as I pray I am passing blessings along to others. 

Man of my dreams: our relationship and how it changed me

When I married the man of my dreams, I just knew he was the one for me.  How did I know?  Well, I wrote a list of qualities I wanted in a man, but it took me time to grow enough to be ready to find him and to get to know the things that mattered.  That's why I waited until I was 30 to marry.  But how did I know so quick?  I met and married him in a year.  

 Well, I dated a couple of guys before that, but it was him that I finally opened up to, and it was him who challenged me mentally, stretching me spiritually as well.  Not only that, He made me feel accepted.  He noticed me right away, and he made me feel special instantly.  Admittedly I was a bit uncomfortable when he first asked me out, but I felt I could say yes after having a car ride with him in which I found out he also had an Assembly of God background like me.  He also had been stretched beyond the denominational boundary-line like me.   

He was definitely worth checking out, and who was I to argue?  Hence our relationship began and blossomed to marriage and now what it is today.  My man came at the right time for me, for I was beginning to have to say no to men I knew were not quite right for me.  That was the hardest thing for me to do, since I loved the attention. 

For the first couple years of our marriage, I always craved his attention, and I may have demanded a bit much of him--but he gave me what he could, and I knew he loved me.  He brought healing to my emotions, sometimes taking the time to do some deep level therapy with me. 

With the birth of my new baby girl, I realized life would never be the same.  At first it was difficult to give most of my attention to my baby girl and let my husband sleep in his "off" hours.  But then one day my husband said something that caught my attention.  I had just had a kind of embarrassing fight with him in front of family.  He told me that night that I was being selfish.  He said it not to hurt me, but to help me.  And help me it did, though I grieved for several days, begging God's forgiveness and help.  

 And so began the Spiritual renewal that has brought me to change my attitude in life and work.  I told Jesus He could go ahead and be my boss whether I'm working or at home.  And I meant it now, because I knew what it meant.  I had often told Jesus, I would "let" Him be my Lord... What I did not realize is that He is Lord of all whether any of us "let" Him or not.  With this recognition came peace and a change of heart, and I keep claiming and praying for His reign to be realized on earth--as I know He has all the answers, and His ways are above all. 

As a woman of God, I do my best to submit to my husband, even when I think He is wrong.  I still have to work on some things.  And it does not mean I am not assertive when I feel the need.  As long as my husband can come to agreement with me or at least agree to disagree, I can do what I feel is best.  We are a good team!

Check out this article on relationships: http://www.examiner.com/article/emotional-and-physical-intimacy-relationship-advice-from-ephesians-2-14

Walgreens, Thank you.

Walgreens impressed in me a growing attitude of appreciation for people—coworkers, customers, and friends.  They’re all people, unique with sometimes delicious surprises for conversation. – Rachel Marocco.

When I began work at Walgreens in Minneapolis in 1999, I encountered many people different in backgrounds, nationalities, languages, and races.  At first, I was scared stiff of all of them.  It was even hard to concentrate at the register.  But as I continued working, the first thing that struck me is the empathy of my customers.  There were many awkward encounters and customers who were rough with me partly because I messed up sometimes but some of them really expected a lot and took it for granted that I would give it to them—for instance it was there that I learned to always get the coupon out for the customer—people appreciated it, but if I forgot a few took offense.  However when such things happened most other customers would say the most wonderful things to make me feel better.

Needless to say I only continued to improve on the job when I moved to the Walgreens in Eagle Rock, CA.  It was there that I found inner strength to deal when customers were displeased at first—and it even seemed I could pull them over to see the good.  Some of those people became my regular customers, my friends. 

Then when I moved to the Grapevine Walgreens, I pushed myself hard to get better at all the skills an associate could possibly do, and I am still working on those skills there.  I was thrilled to learn of the program that puts me in the employee of the month position when customers give me a nine for service.   Its great that there’s a way for me to be rewarded for the friendliness and help I already love to give customers just because they are people too, and deserve it. 

I also like the new Loyalty Rewards Card Walgreens is doing partly because now when people scan their card I can learn their name, and if they do come more regularly, my hope would be that I could remember and call them by name, for they are people in my neighborhood.  That, and the great deals that I and my customers can get--especially the extra dollars off=free stuff!  I love the way Walgreens is rewarding their regular customers with these extra bonuses.

Now I am thinking of fun ways I can become a better contributor to Walgreens.  One person complained to me once about the new CEO in charge of Walgreens; and as I mulled it over, I had the thought—well he is competitive, diplomatic, and shrewd, and looks like he’s a risk taker too.  Sounds like someone who may very well be good for the company.  Plus as I see the new things coming out of Walgreens for employees, such as the Life and Work Counseling department to help employees with issues ranging from financial to more personal items included in the life and work balance; I’d say Walgreens is already cutting edge, so I am proud to be a part of it.