Loving without judging: cultivating acceptance

LOVE OUT OF SEASON

A rose out of season is still a rose.  Its easy to judge someone based on one “snapshot,” especially if it turns out badly.  Anyone can pose for a picture, but what happens when we make an impression without trying to?  

We go to a restaurant and the service is slow.  We think our server forgot about us because we sat outside.  We could be upset and raise our voices at the server, or we could look a little closer and try to find out why service is slow.  Maybe the restaurant is short staffed and unexpectedly busy that day.  At one restaurant, our family waited for an hour without getting food and we had checked several times.  Finally on the third try we found out our food had not gotten on the ticket for preparation.  The restaurant cashier felt so bad, she offered us a 25.00 gift card since we had already paid for the food.  We accepted.  Mistakes happen, and I still recommend that restaurant.  

LOVE THOSE WHO ARE DIFFERENT

We see a gay couple at church.  We can speculate and gossip or we can go greet them and talk to them.  One time while working at my Walgreens in Los Angeles, a man came in and asked about makeup.  I figured out he was gay and he told me he was getting makeup for a show.  I expressed genuine interest as I had no idea what he was talking about, and I learned something new.  Next time he came to the store, he asked for me to be the one to help him.  I know sometimes it can be easy to laugh at people behind their back, who are different from us, but that is not the way to learn and grow in life.

Love is about loving those who are different from us, not just those we think are like us.  And who’s to say if we are not really more like them than we know… or more different.   Who wants to be the same as everyone else anyways?  Life would be only black or only white or only brown or only purple (hehe).  One color -- how boring.  What is food without salt?  Where is the flavor of life if it all tastes the same?  Is not everyone truly unique?  

GOSSIP AND LAUGHTER: POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE

Our minds are prone to speculation.  We hear a couple yelling in public, and we think there must be abuse in the home, but maybe they are just opinionated and so engrossed in conversation that they don’t care what people around them are thinking.  Or maybe they are just having a bad day.  I used to have bad days in public.  I never did get self conscious at those times because I did not realize how loud I was and how obvious our fight was to anyone in the near vicinity.  And I just plain did not realize how little I cared then about the distress and awkwardness I was causing others.

That brings up a new point.  When we feel uncomfortable with a situation or a person or a different perspective or a way of living we are uninformed about or not used to, then its the natural reaction to turn to your friend and say something about it, and laugh or whatever.  Yes, I understand that.  I’ve done that many times.  Thats why, its ok.  Its ok to laugh with your friends when you are far enough away to not be heard--to ease the tension, to clear up your perhaps shared awkwardness.

Laughter is after all borne out of awkwardness.  So its not wrong to laugh and enjoy the awkwardness with a friend.  Still, if we are going to see this person again--like if they go to our small church or small group or live in our neighborhood, it might help to place ourselves in their shoes and give them the acceptance we would desire in their place.  Maybe us learning to laugh with them, not at them at least when we’re with the person would help.

We love to laugh in life, and laughter is not hate or dislike.  Its merely awkwardness.  This is a good reminder for us who are on the other side of the laughter, who feel like the outcast.  I’ve been in both places so I understand.  That’s why I can discuss this to both sides with candor.

CONCLUSION: ATTITUDE OF ACCEPTANCE

Cultivate an attitude of acceptance towards everyone around you.  This may mean just a smile in the direction of strangers as you walk by, or a greeting if they are not busy doing something like talking with a friend or texting (as we do nowadays).  Work on doing this unconditionally--meaning without getting hurt if there is no return response.  Recognize that some people are in their own world perhaps needing time to think while away from their normal busy routine, or perhaps they are very involved in conversation with friends, etc…  For we know that all of us have times like this when we are unresponsive to our neighbor’s greetings (neighbors being anyone in the vicinity of our presence).  So lets not hold grudges against anyone, especially strangers. (Laughable when put this way, is it not?)

Yes, lets laugh.  Laugh at ourselves, laugh with each other.  What good medicine, and how good at dissolving tension when we are laughing with our friends.  As for me, I’ll try not and hold it against you…  (Hehe).