Frozen -- Freeze or run away and "Let it go."

You know its time to freeze if

-- Your mom and dad begin yelling at you at the same time.

-- Your mother-in-law keeps insulting your cooking skills (or lack thereof).

-- Your children are all trying to get your attention at once.

-- You and your husband are having a screaming match and then you notice your 3-year-old rocking in the corner.

-- You are about to burst into tears but your two year old is looking at you.

-- You found out you won the lottery but you are in a busy line at Tom Thumb.

-- You are having an ecstatic night but your sister is in the next room (hehe).

-- Your sister is pushing buttons like she's trying to get a reaction from you.

When I first moved to California, I had a friend who was extremely possessive.  After awhile, we began to get into huge fights, screaming matches -- so much that our neighbor had to say something about us keeping it down.  One day, I just realized I was done with her.  And that's when I began to talk quietly in response to her screaming.  It no longer mattered to me what she thought, and that's when I began to find the freedom to leave and be myself.  If only I had figured out before how to quietly respond--our fights would not then have escalated.  If I could have been sure of who I was without needing her approval of myself and everything I did or believed, maybe I could have kept her friendship.  Maybe.  

When we began snapping at each other, it might have helped me to freeze and think before reacting defensively to her.  Sometimes it takes a realization, too, that people won't change because of you; not only that, they can't force you to change.  So, yelling and snapping is basically a waste of breath.  

Now I'm starting to realize that when someone is yelling or continually criticizing something about me, its because they want to control me and make me into the person they want or approve of.  And here's the beauty of it-- they can't change me, they can only try.  The only real change occurs with a self realization and a self choice.  If we are going to make true choices that come from our real selves without doing it out of a sense of guilt or duty to manipulative relatives, friends, customers, bosses, or a certain kind of God (ahem), then when assaulted with such words/thoughts, its time to freeze.  

Freeze

and think

What am I 

feeling?

Why am I 

feeling this way?

What is the root

issue of this feeling?

Who is trying

to speak

into my life?

Do I care

about this person?

Do they care

about me?

How can I

respond calmly

without negating

who I am

and without

negating who

they are?

Imagine how many conflicts could be avoided, if we could all interrupt ourselves before the insults turn to yelling and the yelling to screaming?  Just learn to freeze and think before reacting to a hurt feeling inside.  Its not about ignoring the hurt or the other person.  Its about thinking before responding-- 

thinking 

about how to discuss 

the issue bothering you, 

thinking 

about what the issue is 

before reacting to 

the little things 

building in your heart, 

thinking not stuffing, 

thinking not erupting.

Sometimes we are so good at stuffing our emotions, and then one day we erupt.  

That is the day 

we need to run away 

for awhile 

and scream 

at the air 

in the middle of nowhere. 

That is the day

we need to think

and pray

and sort out

our emotions.

That is the day

we need to examine

our hearts

and ask ourselves

what is really

wrong?

What is 

bothering 

me?

Then we'll be ready for our sister to come find us and we'll be able to come back with her without throwing an abominable snowman her way. 

Loving without judging: cultivating acceptance

LOVE OUT OF SEASON

A rose out of season is still a rose.  Its easy to judge someone based on one “snapshot,” especially if it turns out badly.  Anyone can pose for a picture, but what happens when we make an impression without trying to?  

We go to a restaurant and the service is slow.  We think our server forgot about us because we sat outside.  We could be upset and raise our voices at the server, or we could look a little closer and try to find out why service is slow.  Maybe the restaurant is short staffed and unexpectedly busy that day.  At one restaurant, our family waited for an hour without getting food and we had checked several times.  Finally on the third try we found out our food had not gotten on the ticket for preparation.  The restaurant cashier felt so bad, she offered us a 25.00 gift card since we had already paid for the food.  We accepted.  Mistakes happen, and I still recommend that restaurant.  

LOVE THOSE WHO ARE DIFFERENT

We see a gay couple at church.  We can speculate and gossip or we can go greet them and talk to them.  One time while working at my Walgreens in Los Angeles, a man came in and asked about makeup.  I figured out he was gay and he told me he was getting makeup for a show.  I expressed genuine interest as I had no idea what he was talking about, and I learned something new.  Next time he came to the store, he asked for me to be the one to help him.  I know sometimes it can be easy to laugh at people behind their back, who are different from us, but that is not the way to learn and grow in life.

Love is about loving those who are different from us, not just those we think are like us.  And who’s to say if we are not really more like them than we know… or more different.   Who wants to be the same as everyone else anyways?  Life would be only black or only white or only brown or only purple (hehe).  One color -- how boring.  What is food without salt?  Where is the flavor of life if it all tastes the same?  Is not everyone truly unique?  

GOSSIP AND LAUGHTER: POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE

Our minds are prone to speculation.  We hear a couple yelling in public, and we think there must be abuse in the home, but maybe they are just opinionated and so engrossed in conversation that they don’t care what people around them are thinking.  Or maybe they are just having a bad day.  I used to have bad days in public.  I never did get self conscious at those times because I did not realize how loud I was and how obvious our fight was to anyone in the near vicinity.  And I just plain did not realize how little I cared then about the distress and awkwardness I was causing others.

That brings up a new point.  When we feel uncomfortable with a situation or a person or a different perspective or a way of living we are uninformed about or not used to, then its the natural reaction to turn to your friend and say something about it, and laugh or whatever.  Yes, I understand that.  I’ve done that many times.  Thats why, its ok.  Its ok to laugh with your friends when you are far enough away to not be heard--to ease the tension, to clear up your perhaps shared awkwardness.

Laughter is after all borne out of awkwardness.  So its not wrong to laugh and enjoy the awkwardness with a friend.  Still, if we are going to see this person again--like if they go to our small church or small group or live in our neighborhood, it might help to place ourselves in their shoes and give them the acceptance we would desire in their place.  Maybe us learning to laugh with them, not at them at least when we’re with the person would help.

We love to laugh in life, and laughter is not hate or dislike.  Its merely awkwardness.  This is a good reminder for us who are on the other side of the laughter, who feel like the outcast.  I’ve been in both places so I understand.  That’s why I can discuss this to both sides with candor.

CONCLUSION: ATTITUDE OF ACCEPTANCE

Cultivate an attitude of acceptance towards everyone around you.  This may mean just a smile in the direction of strangers as you walk by, or a greeting if they are not busy doing something like talking with a friend or texting (as we do nowadays).  Work on doing this unconditionally--meaning without getting hurt if there is no return response.  Recognize that some people are in their own world perhaps needing time to think while away from their normal busy routine, or perhaps they are very involved in conversation with friends, etc…  For we know that all of us have times like this when we are unresponsive to our neighbor’s greetings (neighbors being anyone in the vicinity of our presence).  So lets not hold grudges against anyone, especially strangers. (Laughable when put this way, is it not?)

Yes, lets laugh.  Laugh at ourselves, laugh with each other.  What good medicine, and how good at dissolving tension when we are laughing with our friends.  As for me, I’ll try not and hold it against you…  (Hehe).  

Stitches of a Scarlet Letter

Anyone ever feel disenfranchised, isolated, or judged by society?  Here's some food for thought.

Stitches of a Scarlet Letter

She is filled with so much love--

 that she is foolish.

She hears  sometimes,

but is sometimes deaf.

Sometimes she hears,

but comprehends not.

Sometimes she hears

but cares not.

Sometimes she hears,

but acts like the wall fly

hearing the buzz of the room,

but without any reaction.

Stolid soul taking it in 

like medicine 

that one is forced to swallow

without daring to utter

a voice of protest.

Instead her heart cries, Be


Still 

the longer she stays,

the more the voices

toy with her.

They begin making

foolish conjectures.

She hears lies all around--

she knows they are lies.

Yet she is


Still

each one adds 

another stitch

to the scarlet letter

forming on her heart.

She distracts herself.

She will not drink.

She cannot, will not


Think 

too long 

and too hard,

because to do so

only drives her further

into the depths

of despair--

a despair she

need not have,

a despair that she 

would not

could not 

have.  

How could she


Despair

the dream 

that has come 

true, 

just because 

part of the dream

seems a bygone.

Isn't it true,

that she has 

found the man

of her dreams

and yet

he's not 

as perfect

as she once 

thought.  

Yet he loves 

her--

Her whole family

loves her.

Yes why

despair . . . 

When she has

people who


Love

her,  she knows

what matters

is that those 

who know her

best

will always

love her

no matter 

what--

even when 

they do not

always approve

of her actions.

And lately 

if they knew

might be


Disapproving

herself,

perhaps it 

was her own

criticism 

she heard

from others'

lips.

Yet how then

could their

voices so clearly

ring out, 

but how often

could she imagine

that they were talking

about her.  

Maybe this is her

dream after all.

Did not she always

dream of being


Popular

she is 

and she 

feels it   

in 

this scarlet 

letter

that she holds 

close to 

her heart

as her way of

reminding herself

of how 

different 

she is 

from everyone

and 

how delicious

to be the focus

of their gossip.

Is that not the 

cost of 

being famous? 

And so, 

perception

has made her

dream come true

after all.

Reflections: God and His universe and us

Does the universe speak?

Maybe

Does God?

Yes.

Does God fill the universe?

Yes-- check the Psalms for confirmation.  God fills the heavens and the earth and is in the fullness thereof.  Isaiah...  "The train of His garment fills the temple..."  "And the whole earth is filled... and the whole earth is filled.... and the whole earth is filled with His glory!

Maybe the universe is almost "One" with Him just as We are meant to be One with Him.  Check out John 14 for that one.

Brothers and sisters, are we not all in this world together?  Does not the strong encourage the weak, and the weak only get stronger as this occurs?  If life is a game, do we win alone?  And what matters anyways...  is winning the game of life the point?  Do we need to be the best?  What do we really need?

Each other.  We are what matters.  We are the pearl of great price together in this world, the pearl that Jesus found and saved, polished, and cherished.  We are the treasure, together.

This earth is our provision for us, our children, our descendants; the nations of our offspring.

I do not know exactly what happens at death, and after it.  I do know Jesus saves.  He saves me.  He saves us.  In fact, I believe I heard it said somewhere that He saves the earth and the universe...  now where was that...  O yeah, the Bible.  Its there...  Something about renewing His creation at the end of the age when the Sons and Daughters of the Kingdom will be revealed.

Anyone who says they have all the answers, I just cannot take seriously anymore...
Not saying, they have nothing good to say or anything, but I take it all with a grain of salt.

Its called thinking.  Its called finding out for yourself.  And only ONE knows the whole answer, while we all may have a piece of it.

Jesus saves, thats all we need to know and believe while being grateful and taking care of His great gifts to us.

That about sums it up, my thoughts for quite some time...  Take it with a grain of salt...  Amen.

Snapshot of the "perfectly normal" secret

I'm perfectly normal.  I just have a secret side to me.  Everyone does.  Who does'nt have their quirks, their ups, their downs; each their own silliness to shrug off?

If you live in Grapevine, Texas, I'm your friendly neighborhood cashier at Walgreens.  Every day I do my best to smile and welcome the people who come through the door, and I enjoy the interactions I have with them no matter how mundane.

Sometimes, however, I have a bad day when my thoughts get a little wayward.  Oh it used to be much worse than it is now.  I used to believe and accept that the thoughts I had were true, and those false truths defined me for quite some time in my life.

I constantly overheard what I thought were the feelings of others towards me, bits of conversations I heard became clear in my mind as utterances of dislike, and it drove a wedge between myself and everyone else.  For awhile I accepted it, but not anymore.

When I was younger, I felt unloved but I did not understand why.  The feelings of rejections imbedded themselves subconsciously from things I overheard or read in others' body language.  Now I notice when I overhear something, and I get feedback about it either from the person who I thought said it (if I feel comfortable with them), or with my husband later on.  When I started doing this, I found out that I was overhearing a lot of the wrong things.

In Proverbs it says to avoid overhearing conversations not meant for your ears because you may hear someone laughing at you...  and you too may have laughed at another.  That does not mean it is our final opinion of the person.

     

The Rose That Helped me Smell the Flowers

A Rose sprung up at my workplace who was quite nice.  Ironically, the first thing I felt was the thorn.  Ouch! That hurt. This Rose must've thought me quite nasty as I quickly dropped her to the floor.  However, a funny thing came about.  When she hit the floor she looked up at me and smiled.  Soon,  I was smiling back.  And then as I worked with her I developed a relationship with this flower.  This Rose found out more about me and began reflecting back to me parts of myself, good stuff I did not realize or thought wrong to advertise.  This Rose is part of the reason I also blossomed and became a flower.  I became a Violet.  

As a Violet, I attracted the bees just like she did, and one day a bee picked me up and swept me away where I landed in another state.  The Rose tried to keep in touch but the violet was preoccupied w her new life.  One day I called and didnt get a response. I tried to find her in my facebook friends but alas she was no longer there.  The worst part is this Violet could probably find her if she remembered her last name.  And so she learned sometimes last names are important too.

And so Rose of Walgreens in Eagle Rock, this blog is for you and I hope and pray you find this when you need it.

I dont know where you are, but you are special--God has used you to bless me as I pray I am passing blessings along to others. 

Man of my dreams: our relationship and how it changed me

When I married the man of my dreams, I just knew he was the one for me.  How did I know?  Well, I wrote a list of qualities I wanted in a man, but it took me time to grow enough to be ready to find him and to get to know the things that mattered.  That's why I waited until I was 30 to marry.  But how did I know so quick?  I met and married him in a year.  

 Well, I dated a couple of guys before that, but it was him that I finally opened up to, and it was him who challenged me mentally, stretching me spiritually as well.  Not only that, He made me feel accepted.  He noticed me right away, and he made me feel special instantly.  Admittedly I was a bit uncomfortable when he first asked me out, but I felt I could say yes after having a car ride with him in which I found out he also had an Assembly of God background like me.  He also had been stretched beyond the denominational boundary-line like me.   

He was definitely worth checking out, and who was I to argue?  Hence our relationship began and blossomed to marriage and now what it is today.  My man came at the right time for me, for I was beginning to have to say no to men I knew were not quite right for me.  That was the hardest thing for me to do, since I loved the attention. 

For the first couple years of our marriage, I always craved his attention, and I may have demanded a bit much of him--but he gave me what he could, and I knew he loved me.  He brought healing to my emotions, sometimes taking the time to do some deep level therapy with me. 

With the birth of my new baby girl, I realized life would never be the same.  At first it was difficult to give most of my attention to my baby girl and let my husband sleep in his "off" hours.  But then one day my husband said something that caught my attention.  I had just had a kind of embarrassing fight with him in front of family.  He told me that night that I was being selfish.  He said it not to hurt me, but to help me.  And help me it did, though I grieved for several days, begging God's forgiveness and help.  

 And so began the Spiritual renewal that has brought me to change my attitude in life and work.  I told Jesus He could go ahead and be my boss whether I'm working or at home.  And I meant it now, because I knew what it meant.  I had often told Jesus, I would "let" Him be my Lord... What I did not realize is that He is Lord of all whether any of us "let" Him or not.  With this recognition came peace and a change of heart, and I keep claiming and praying for His reign to be realized on earth--as I know He has all the answers, and His ways are above all. 

As a woman of God, I do my best to submit to my husband, even when I think He is wrong.  I still have to work on some things.  And it does not mean I am not assertive when I feel the need.  As long as my husband can come to agreement with me or at least agree to disagree, I can do what I feel is best.  We are a good team!

Check out this article on relationships: http://www.examiner.com/article/emotional-and-physical-intimacy-relationship-advice-from-ephesians-2-14

Walgreens, Thank you.

Walgreens impressed in me a growing attitude of appreciation for people—coworkers, customers, and friends.  They’re all people, unique with sometimes delicious surprises for conversation. – Rachel Marocco.

When I began work at Walgreens in Minneapolis in 1999, I encountered many people different in backgrounds, nationalities, languages, and races.  At first, I was scared stiff of all of them.  It was even hard to concentrate at the register.  But as I continued working, the first thing that struck me is the empathy of my customers.  There were many awkward encounters and customers who were rough with me partly because I messed up sometimes but some of them really expected a lot and took it for granted that I would give it to them—for instance it was there that I learned to always get the coupon out for the customer—people appreciated it, but if I forgot a few took offense.  However when such things happened most other customers would say the most wonderful things to make me feel better.

Needless to say I only continued to improve on the job when I moved to the Walgreens in Eagle Rock, CA.  It was there that I found inner strength to deal when customers were displeased at first—and it even seemed I could pull them over to see the good.  Some of those people became my regular customers, my friends. 

Then when I moved to the Grapevine Walgreens, I pushed myself hard to get better at all the skills an associate could possibly do, and I am still working on those skills there.  I was thrilled to learn of the program that puts me in the employee of the month position when customers give me a nine for service.   Its great that there’s a way for me to be rewarded for the friendliness and help I already love to give customers just because they are people too, and deserve it. 

I also like the new Loyalty Rewards Card Walgreens is doing partly because now when people scan their card I can learn their name, and if they do come more regularly, my hope would be that I could remember and call them by name, for they are people in my neighborhood.  That, and the great deals that I and my customers can get--especially the extra dollars off=free stuff!  I love the way Walgreens is rewarding their regular customers with these extra bonuses.

Now I am thinking of fun ways I can become a better contributor to Walgreens.  One person complained to me once about the new CEO in charge of Walgreens; and as I mulled it over, I had the thought—well he is competitive, diplomatic, and shrewd, and looks like he’s a risk taker too.  Sounds like someone who may very well be good for the company.  Plus as I see the new things coming out of Walgreens for employees, such as the Life and Work Counseling department to help employees with issues ranging from financial to more personal items included in the life and work balance; I’d say Walgreens is already cutting edge, so I am proud to be a part of it.

Walgreens part one, Thank you Minneapolis!

Thank you Walgreens 

Reminder to Minneapolis, your names are all pseudonymns!  Thanks.  You know who you are.

Just a quick summary should wrap it up: a song will do.  I sing this to the tune of "Thank you for giving to the Lord" Check google for the tune to the chorus and maybe you can hear it.  "Th--a--nk  you for being who you are.  I am a life that was saved.  Th--a--nk you for being who you are.  I am so glad you gave."  Now change the tune to "Mary had a little lamb."  "You g-a-ve of your time each  day, smiled each day, talked each day.  You showed your care in your own way 'til I found out I was cool.  Mr. Landing, thank you for all your concern for me.  Amanda, Tianna, Russel, Rosanne, Loren, Scar, Saint (St).  Kristin and Josh thank you for your cheerful outlooks, smiles, and  paying attention to me.  This next verse is also for you especially.  "You taught me how to laugh and play, laugh and play, laugh and play.  You taught me how to laugh and play, while working it was cool!  Thanks especially to Julie .J.  You all Rock!!!! 

The cripple at the pool

He sits waiting. Leaning on his arms, he watches the water. He knows it will stir soon. It always does about now. Not that it makes much difference. Still, he sighs, its a nice game to keep his thoughts at rest. He's not the only one focusing on the water. Yet, he feels that really he is the only one there. He likes it this way. All is still and peaceful, yet full of energy as all are tuning in to the pool of water. Soon, he knows, the moment will again be gone. For afterward, life will return to normal and the gathering crowd will disperse trying to avoid the beggars.

Maybe this time ... he scans the patio with flickering eyes, glancing at the people present just enough to see their readiness. O yes, this time he knows who will win. For Zachary has a friend today. He does not remember seeing this friend of Zachary's until now. Maybe he usually dozes when the guy comes around. There he is now pulling Zachary close to the water's edge, even laying a hand on him as if to give him a push! However, if Zachary is going to get what he wants, he will have to shove himself into the water. If he doesn't, the water has no effect.

No, today will be like any other day. Someone else will win. As usual. For he is at least two feet away. He is making progress though. Last week he was four feet away, and the week before that he was sleeping when it happened. Yet, someone else will always be ahead no matter how far he goes. For, unlike Zachary, he has no friends to carry him to the water's edge. No, his only friends are people like him. Cripples.

He glances at his buddy Josiah and sees his arms extended to the pool with his hands gripping the ledge, ready to push off at any moment. Good for him. Yet, he knows it is Zachary who will win. Any one who has someone to help them always wins. Unless that friend does too much for their disabled buddy. People have learned the hard way that they must take the last step on their own. Otherwise their friend has to rescue them from the waters, lest they drown.

He feels the tension in the air. Quickly he focuses on the water as he hears the faintest whisper. There is no breeze. For a split second, everyone just keeps staring. Suddenly Zachary is in the water shouting hallelujah and rescuing Josiah at the same time. Poor Josiah. Through out the patio, a collective sigh comes forth as the cripples turn to the crowd to beg.

Well, that's that. He is about to beg when a young man out of the crowd walks right up to him. Thinking that he will give him money, he holds out his hand. Instead, the young man says, "Look at me." "Do you want to get well?" Of course he does, he nods.
"Look at me and see.  See the light that has so long alluded you.  Look I am here.  My hand is reaching out to you.  But now you must take it, for now it is your moment, your time to rise up.  Rise and shine for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you." 

He takes it, and is strengthened.  He stands, walks, jumps, runs.  He shouts.  Glory halelujah the Lord has healed me in and out!